


You're Not Dead!

by pokeyspot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Darry - Freeform, Fluff, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokeyspot/pseuds/pokeyspot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is Draco like behind closed doors? When happens when that defensive mask comes down? In their 8th year Hogwarts will spend some time getting to know the "Draco" behind the "Malfoy" ... Poor Harry... CRACKFIC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I am not making any money from this story.
> 
> Warnings: Drinking, insanity, some swearing.
> 
> Originally posted to Fanfiction.net under the same penname and title.  
> Rewriting, editing, and posting here beginning 8/9/13

The potions classroom was moving as it often did, Gryffindors cringing in fear, Slyterins snickering and –

**BOOM**

-potions exploding

 

"He's killed me! Longbottom finally managed to off me! I'm dead." Draco Malfoy, Ice Prince of Slyterin wailed.

The class rushed over to find a disheveled Malfoy covered in what looked like sticky pink paste.

"You're not dead." Ron pointed out helpfully (read: automatically pointing out the obvious)

Draco looked blankly at Ron "Red hair. Weasley. Definitely hell."

"Oi!" Ron yelled

Pansy moved closer "Draco Darling, you're not dead."

Draco looked at her and leapt onto her hugging her "Pansy! Longbottom killed me, make it better." He nuzzled into her neck, she patted his head like he was a puppy.

"Blaise, we've got a problem."

"Don't tell me-" the Italian trailed off pinching the bridge of his nose

"Yeah. Whatever Longbottom did took away Draco's mask."

Blaise groaned "How long?"

"Blaisey!" Blaise suddenly had an armful of blond "How come you're in Hell?"

Blaise patted his head like Pansy did "Draco you're not dead. I am not dead. We are both alive."

"… So this is a dream? Oh oh oh! A hallucination! No other explanation." He nodded his head decisively.

"It's not a –"

"Professor, how long will it last?" Pansy asked rubbing her temples

Snape stood frozen at the horror of his godson bouncing around in  _public_.

Blinking he walked over to the potion, examining it with a frown.

"A week." Snape said tiredly. The Slytherins groaned as one. Snape did something strange, something that struck fear in the hearts of all who witnessed it. He patted Pansy consolingly "I'll have headache potion ready for whoever needs it in the next week. God knows we're going to need it with him acting like… himself." He rubbed his own head

"Hey don't be a meanie!" Draco cried

The Gryffindors blinked.

"...On second thought. All Slytherins take potion now. My office doors will be open for anyone who encounters mental breakdowns, hysterical reactions, or exhaustion."

He walked over to his stores and brought out a huge vial of something red. He passed it around. "Bottoms up lads. Brace yourselves gents, courage, courage."

"Hey hey!" Malfoy shot up and ran over to Harry Bloody Potter. "Hey Hallucination Harry! 'Cause this is a dream can we be friends now?" Draco bounced, yes  _bounced_ , eagerly.

"I- Er… Malfoy?"

Draco pouted "My name is Draco."

"Er right... Draco sure… um hold on just a second" Harry slapped himself, nope that really happened. "SNAPE! Can I have some of that?" Harry begged

"Man Draco's gonna get all pissy about that after this wears off." Pansy said leaning tiredly against Blaise.

"I only pray that you're the one that gets to deal with it darling and not me." He drawled.

Draco had grabbed Harry's hand and proceeded to drag him over to his friends. "Pansy! Blaisey! Look I just made friends with Hallucination Harry!" He grinned delighted as his grey eyes lit up.

"That's very good Draco!" Pansy patted his head and he bounced again

"Can I keep him? Pleeeeeeeease?" He pinned her with the infamous Malfoy Puppy-Dog Eyes™.

Her resolution sunk. "Of course Draco."

"Yea!"

"Oi! I'm not some stray animal over here." Harry muttered

Blaise walked up to him and put an arm around his shoulders "Mate, just ride it out. Trust me." He said seriously.

Draco pulled him away "Hey, he's my hallucination!" He hugged Harry, Harry's jaw dropped to the floor.

"CLASS DISMISSED! Go terrorize someone else for a while." Snape roared and left for his office intent on that brandy he put away.

 Draco dragged Harry out of the classroom and headed towards the Great Hall ignoring his splutters and attempts to free himself. Harry was considering chewing off his arm when Hermionie and Ron appeared.

"Harry! What on earth are you doing with Malfoy?" She asked/shrieked

"I-"

"He's eating lunch with me. Pansy said I could keep him." Draco grinned at her.

"Help me!" Harry pleaded but Hermionie was too busy stifling laughter and Ron looked ready to faint.

"Come on Hallucination Harry!" Draco cheerfully continued to force him down the hallway.

"Ride it out mate." Blaise repeated

"Is there any other choice?" Harry asked in exasperation

Pansy grinned wickedly "Not at all."

Harry groaned, this was going to be a long week.

 

…

…

 

The 'Long Week' started out horrifically. Namely Harry being forced to eat with the Slytherins. He expected hexes, poison, anything but the sympathetic looks he got.

"Hallucination Harry! Try this!" Draco formerly known as Malfoy exclaimed as he shoved a tart in Harry's mouth.

 _Brilliant I can just see it now 'Boy-Who-Lived becomes the first case of Death By Pastry'_ With difficulty he swallowed the evil treat, and with greater difficulty he didn't strangle the blond.

"That's nice Draco." He muttered after his near death experience

Draco grinned and - Merlin be praised - turned his attention elsewhere

Sadly not anywhere good.

Harry ducked and caught the apple that was aimed at his head. Malfoy using fruit as a projectile weapon...Harry looked to the enchanted ceiling in askance, half waiting for it to rain fire and begin the apocolypse.

Nothing

So he did the only reasonable thing…

"OW!"

He threw the apple at Malfoy.

Malfoy did not duck.

"Harrrry!" Malfoy whined "Don't be mean to me! You're supposed to be my friend!"

Malfoy whining.

Harry looked at the ceiling again. No fire.

"It's just a bloody apple!" Harry snapped

Malfoy sniffled "It's not the apple it's the principle of the matter!" He concluded childishly

"The principle being you throw something at me, I throw something at you. Simple."

Malfoy pouted then yelled "Baise make Harry stop being mean to me!"

Blaise barely looked up from a convienently placed newspaper "Harry stop being mean to Draco." He said dismissively

"Oi! He's the one who chucked something at me!"

Blaise didn't even look up this time "Draco stop being mean to Harry."

"But -!"

"Don't 'but' us Draco." Pansy looked over tiredly "Listen to your fa- listen to Blaise."

She rubbed her forehead as if to ward off a headache.

"I hate you!" He snarled petutlatnly as he poked at his lunch

Blaise and Pansy shared a Look.

Draco rounded on Harry and poked him in the chest "As my Hallucination friend you have to entertain me." He demanded grey eyes shining fiercely

"Er- no I really don't."

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do …. I am not having this conversation." Harry groaned.

He calmly moved his plate aside, dusted the crumbs off the table. He then proceeded to smack his head against the hard wood. Repeatedly. There was a small ' _Ding'_  as someone cast a tempus charm. This was followed by cheers. Harry looked up balefully. The Slyterins were all grinning, laughing, or scowling and handing over money.  The one receiving the most money was Blaise.

"Damn."

Blaise patted him on the shoulder with a roguish grin. "Thanks for adding to my Gringotts vault. You lasted longer than anyone else ever has without cracking. You beat the record, mine if you care, by 15 minutes."

"… You  _bet_  on when I would crack?" Harry blinked slowly

"Yup." Many people chorused up and down the table unashamedly

Harry's head hit the table again, and he muttered something along the lines of 'greedy Slyterin bastards'

"Come on Potter, you're so far the strongest and most steadfast person to deal with Draco the first time. You just whacked your head against a table, most people end up sobbing in a corner whimpering about Demon Ferrets."

A few people shuddered at their own memories.

One cry of "I want my mummy!" was heard.

"Not helping." Harry muttered his voice muffled by how his lips were smushed against the wood.

"Why is Hallucination Harry kissing the table?" A voice broke in to Harry's homicidal thoughts.

"Alright children, off to your classes!" Dumbledore stood and announced the end of lunch with the patented 'I know something you don't know' twinkle in his eyes. You could almost hear the little kid's singsong voice taunting you when you looked at him.

And Harry Potter, the boy who lived twice, the man who defeated moldeyshorts, had never been happier to see it.

He did what any brave Gryffindor would do.

He bolted.

Said Gryffindors agreed with is reasoning "Run Harry! Run like the wind!"

Damn straight.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I am not making any money from this story.

Harry felt fear he never even knew existed. He'd faced Voldemort, he'd killed a Basilisk, he'd ridden a dragon, and yet he was never as terrified as he was at the moment.

Classes were done for the day.

He ducked around a corridor, crouching as if it would make him less noticeable.

It did not.

"Hallucination Harry!" Draco popped out of the classroom with a grin, an honest to god grin.

Harry straightened his back trying to look nonchalant "Er Draco, how's it going?"

"Brilliant and you?" Draco linked his arm with Harry

"Sick, terrified, and very confused." Harry answered honestly

"Good, good!" Draco answered brightly "So tomorrow we're having a little party in my House, you're going to be there right?"

"No….." Harry blinked at him subtly looking for some kind of head injury.

"Smashing! I'll tell the rest, see you there tomorrow at half eight!"

 

…

…

 

"So that's what happened." Harry said a folded his head into his arms pathetically on the table.

Ron and Hermione looked close to laughing, damn them.

"So." Ron cleared his throat "Have fun at the party yeah?"

Harry sprang up "Oh no! If I go down I'm taking you with me Ronald Weasly!"

Hermione laughed outright at the look of horror on Ron's face. Harry turned to her "That goes for you too Hermione."

There was silence only broken as she said

"Well…. Shite."

The boys froze looking dazed and amazed.  Ron snapped out of it first "Did you just make Hermione swear?" Ron asked Harry eyes wide like he was looking at a god. Harry grinned at him and nodded. Ron high fived Harry loudly… and lamely. "Good show mate!"

Hermione huffed and pretended to read her book one thought running through her head; Boys are insane.

It wasn't until the party the next night that she knew just how true that statement was

That evening the Golden Trio walked into pandemonium his eyes wide. The Slytherin commonroom had been completely trashed, the partiers causing mayhem, dancing, drinking, flirting, often all at the same time.

"This is madness." Harry said looking at Malfoy –Draco- standing on a couch like a pirate on the bow of his ship.

"Madness?" Draco whispered the other Slytherins covered their ears.

"THIS IS SLYTERIN!" Malfoy roared. With that warcry he leaped off the couch and landed in front of Harry.

"Welcome to the Dark Side Potter!" He drunkenly slung an arm around the confused boy and pulled him in to the swarming room.

 

…

…

 

Harry looked over at Ron and Hermione. They were backed into a corner by Crabbe and Goyle telling bad knock-knock jokes. Yet somehow he envied them. Draco was lolled on the sofa his head pillowed in Harry's lap. How that had happened was beyond Harry, he just knew that it wasn't as good as it sounded.

"And then when I was six I found this rock, this big shiny rock!" Draco waved his arms above him "It was huge! But mummy took it away from me when I tried to throw it through to window. I thought it wanted to be with other shiny things! You know?" Draco looked at Harry soulfully expecting him to understand the importance of shiny things wanting to be with shiny things.

"Sure Draco." Harry patted his head like he would a puppy, Draco calmed down and continued with his story.

Harry saw Pansy and Blaise laughing together on the adjacent sofa as if they hadn't a care in the world. And they didn't, Draco was with him. Harry put them on his 'must wreak vengeance' list.

"Hey are you listening?" Draco demanded

"Er… yeah."

"What did I just say?" the blonde demanded squinting grey eyes up at him.

"Erm… Shiny things right?"

"Yes, the shiny thi- Oh my Merlin! Ewwwwww!" Draco sat up suddenly screeching and pointing at Pansy and Blaise as they kissed briefly.

"Heterosexuals! Oh Merlin! Get them away from me!" Draco continued his freak out, his manly not-screaming-like-a-girl, freak out. He scrambled up Harry like a cat climbing a tree.

"Okay, okay," Harry tried to sooth the crazy on his lap. What to do what to do?

"Here look, Draco." Harry waved his wand "A pretty rainbow!"

A rainbow shot out of his wand, Draco tried to poke it and his hand went through. Harry pointed his wand at the ground and Draco pounced on the rainbow. Harry moved his wand again and Draco chased it across the floor. An hour later, a tired Draco had forgotten all about the heterosexual kiss.

Harry spent his free hour scratching his head and thinking that Malfoy really was like some kind of insane pet. He counted on his fingers: affectionate, excitable, cute, likes to be petted, easily startled, and likes to chase things across the floor. When the image of Draco with cat ears and a tail popped into his mind, he decided it was time for another drink.

 

…

…

 

The night wore on, and the party dwindled. People were hanging form chandeliers they hadn't known existed before, were collapsed studying patterns in the rug that were 'trippy' and everyone was in various states of disarray. Harry had a sleeping Draco on his shoulder. Not leaning against his shoulder sweetly, no of course not, but sprawled out on the top of the sofa using Harry's shoulder as a pillow.

Every time Harry would try to leave Draco would bat at his head. Harry had lost his glasses hours ago because of one particular missed hit.

Harry looked around for his Gryffindor friends, they were still in the corner but now they were giggling drunkenly and stuck under the blurry lumps that were passed out versions or Crabbe and Goyle.

Pansy and Blaise stood up and walked over to Harry looking torn between pity and laughter.

"I hate you both." Harry announced in an ominous voice

"We know." Blaise grinned "Now we should probably get our fearless leader to bed."

"You think I haven't tried?" Harry demanded

"You tried to get Draco into bed?" Pansy giggled

"Not like that!" Harry blushed faintly "Just help me."

"Why should we?" Pansy asked

"Because I have to take a piss. Like for the past hour."

"Fine, fine." Pansy wrinkled her nose and walked around to Draco "Draco darling, it's time to go to bed."

"I dun' wanna'"

"Too bad." Pansy pulled him towards her, Draco immediately latched on to Harry's neck chocking him as Pansy pulled.

"Air!" Harry slapped desperately at Draco's arms like a wrestler tapping out of a match.

"Draco Darling, you're killing Hallucination Harry." Pansy cooed "Let go darling. Let go."

"Hallucination Harry! I'm sorry!" Draco let go suddenly causing Pansy and himself to fall on the floor with a resounding thud. Drunk as he was he got right back up and kissed Harry sloppily on the cheek, missing and hitting his ear instead "I didn'a mean to kill you! I don't want you to die!" Draco exclaimed right next to the now spit covered ear.

Sensing another freakout on the horizon Harry reached back and started petting Draco's hair again.

"It's fine it's fine, lets just get you to bed."

"You should stay! We could have a sleep over!"

"No." Three voices coursed

Draco pouted and allowed himself to be dragged off to bed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Harry Potter and I am not making any money from this story.

The next morning found two very hung over Gryffindors at their table in the Great Hall. The third of their Golden Trio was rocking back and forth on the bench hugging himself. He looked at the ceiling often as if expecting it to rain fire. Hopefully on his two Gryffindor friends who, _damn_ _them_ , had a fairly normal experience at the party from hell.

No such luck.

Harry made a note to himself to check the Prophet for any apocalyptic weather. _It was bound to happen!_... And looking up at the ceiling for warning signs was giving him a crick in his neck. At least Draco wasn't here yet. And wasn't that the damndest thing? He couldn't help but think of the crazy boy as Draco now.

Think of the devil, and he himself shall appear. And with cronies.

Draco stumbled into the hall glaring at people, Blaise and Pansy close on his heels. They sat down at the table and reached immediately for coffee. Pansy had the misfortune of grabbing the same coffee pot as Draco. Draco growled at her and bit her hand.

Literally

Like a rabid squirrel.

Pansy shrieked and released the coveted coffee pot into Draco's care. Draco petted the container "Who's a pretty coffee pot? You are!" He kissed the side and hissed at how hot it was.

He poured himself a cup and purred as he sipped it tenderly.

Creepy.

Other students began to pour in, mercifully as grumpy as the party-goers were. Until one, a Hufflepuff with a death wish… he doesn't even deserve a name (he was a morning person)

"GOOD MORNING!" He caroled

As one Slytherin glared at him, loud noises and hangovers don't go well together. Cheerfulness was just cruel.

Draco waved his wand at the pastries at the table, muffins. They sprang to life and flew into the air, beginning to sprout little arms and legs.

Draco stood up on the table and bellowed "ATTACK EVIL MUFFINS, GET HIM!"

Harry watched in horrified amusement as the Hufflepuff was pelted by pastries. The Hufflepuffs were not so happy.

"What was that for?" One of the girls demanded

Pansy sent a sympathetic look at her "Draco's just a little grumpy this morning…. You should have seen the Spork Incident of '96…"

Harry burst out laughing, who knew, Draco could have been on par with the Weasley Twins when in a mood…. The muffins followed the Hufflepuff the rest of the day.

 

By midday Slytherin at large was feeling more human. Draco had tamed one of the Evil Muffins claiming to anyone who would listen (and those that were forced to) that he was keeping it as his familiar. Its' name was Whiskers.

Draco and Whiskers dragged 'Hallucination Harry' with them like an old rag doll, ending the day in the Slytherin common room. The relief that Harry felt to be in that room was alarming, but at least Draco could only get into trouble in a smaller area.

Draco bounded across the room bringing Harry things to look at.

Each time Draco arrived with a great grin, his face lit up in excitement. "Harry, Harry! Look at this!"

A painting, a sculpture, a teddy bear, and a shoe. Harry was still scratching his head over the shoe, but Draco claimed that Whiskers said it smelled interesting. It must be said, Draco was the only one that could hear Whiskers speak. Harry smiled more than he had since the war ended, by the end of the night Harry was surrounded by a wall of rubbish with Draco sitting on top of it precariously. Draco was preaching about the virtues of quills when the clock struck nine.

Draco pouted at the sound: Pasny told him he had to go to sleep early. Something about him being less grumpy in the mornings….. and sporks... whatever that meant.

"Well goodnight Hallucination Harry!" Draco waved to the boy cheerfully and slid down the mountain of stuff on a leather bound book.

Harry sat bewildered before realizing one crucial fact. "Hey how am I supposed to get out of here?"

Harry stared up at the six-foot wall besieging him and began to climb, all the while muttering about crazy Slytherins and evil muffins. He didn't even notice that he was smiling the whole time.

 

...

... 

 

"Haaaaary, I'm booooored!" Draco whined as he leaned against Harry's shoulder at lunch the next day.

Harry counted to ten. Very slowly. Twice.

"Then find something to distract you." Harry said through gritted teeth

"Harry NO!" Blaise yelled horrified 

"Potter I'm going to kill you." Pansy groaned and put her face in her hands

"Okay!" Draco smiled brightly and waved his wand, suddenly rhythmic music filled the hall. Dun dun dun dun DA! Dun dun dun dun DA!

The other inhabitants of the hall looked over to see what the fuss was about only to be answered in a sonorous-enhanced shout "COGNA LINE!"

Draco grabbed Pansy's waist, who seemed determined to drag Blaise down with her, who seemed determined to drag Nott down with him and so on. They marched around the hall with expressions of exasperation, embarrassment, and amusement. They grabbed anyone they passed adding them to the large snake of people dancing to the tune that got stuck in their heads. Harry was looped in right after Draco his hands resting on the boy's hips. He laughed at the absurdity of it all when suddenly Draco stopped causing a domino effect on everyone behind him.

The fallen group of students looked up at the "New Draco" who grinned at the lot of them.

"Man it's good to be dead, it's so freeing!" Draco smiled

"You're not dead!" Slytherin insisted as one

"Man next thing you know he'll be dancing the Macarena." A muggleborn muttered. He had the grave misfortune of having Draco overhear that statement. He was pounced on by the blond.

"What is this Macarena? Teach me!" He demanded

"Uh no." The nameless muggleborn said looking warily at the blonde perched on his chest

"Whiskers!" Draco demanded and the damned muffin poked it's top out of Draco's robe sleeve. It growled menacingly at the boy.

"Alright! Alright I'll teach you!" He screamed remembering what happened to the Hufflepuff boy the day before. Draco leaped off his chest and landed crouched on the floor.

The muggleborn stood up red as a tomato and demonstrated the moves as much of the present students laughed. Draco quickly copied and then went about enlisting a group of dancers from the terrified students. He shocked everyone, not in the craziness, they were getting used to that, but in that he chose people from all the houses.

In time the entire student body was doing the Macarena as if it were an everyday occurrence. Slytherines leaned against Gryffindors laughing, Hufflepuffs teased the Ravenclaws into dancing. There was a brief moment of true inner house unity. Only to be dispelled by reality closing in, in the form of the professors coming down for food.

They shoed the kids back to their tables and the students went more regretful to loose that moment of madness mixed with laughter than they wanted to admit. Especially because it had been brought about by Draco Bloody Malfoy.

 

…

…

 

At lunch the next day Harry was late, and thus Draco was without a keeper. He wandered the tables of all the Houses smiling at people and talking about random things. Suddenly something caught his attention. Something _shiny_.

"SHINY!" He yelled and ran towards the girl with the speed of an athlete if without the grace. Harry arrived on the scene just in time to see the disaster in action.

Draco grabbed the barrette out of the girl's hair and stared at it turning it this way and that in the candlelight. "So pretty."

It had been a hard few days for Harry, if he wasn't running after Draco to keep him from stupid schemes, he was already involved in said stupid schemes. He rubbed his head as his patience reached its end.

"Draco." He said striding towards the blonde who had made himself very comfortable next to the scared girl at the Hufflepuff table looked up with a smile "Hallucination Harry! Look what I found!" He said as he waved the barrette triumphantly and put it in his own shining hair.

"Draco give the barrette back to the girl."

"Don' wanna'!" Draco pouted covering the barrette protectively

The girl, wide eyed whispered "He can have it."

"No he can't." Harry said staring hard at Draco "He stole it. He has to give it back."

Slytherin watched in amusement as the Potter brat tried to get Draco to… well to get him to do anything.

"It's mine!" Draco whined

"It's this girl's." Harry said patting the girl on the shoulder absently as he locked eyes with Draco. "You have to give it back."

"NEVER!" Draco declared dramatically

"Now." Harry glared before softening his eyes "It's the right thing to do."

Draco squirmed under that look, visibly twitching as he warred with himself. He wanted to make Hallucination Harry happy, but he wanted the shiny! The minutes ticked by and Harry didn't move. Some began to titter behind their hands at him, he obviously wasn't getting anywhere. Others began following the Slytherins' lead by taking bets. All were shocked as Draco took the barrette out of his hair and handed it to the girl.

"Good. Thank you Draco. Now apologize." Harry said with a smile

The Hall gasped as one, he wanted more? He had just achieved the impossible! Plus Draco Malfoy never apologized, even when he was in this state.

"M'm Sorry." Draco muttered looking at his feet.

"It's alright." The girl stared at him in shock

A cheer broke the silence of the hall, it was emanating from the Slytherin table. "HARRY! HARRY! HARRY!"

Harry offered his hand to Draco who took it, with that he led Draco back to his table.

Blaise stood up and wrapped his arm around Harry. "You've done it, you have tamed the Demon Ferret!"

Pansy had tears of gratitude in her eyes, and the Slytherins were already planning another party just to celebrate this momentous event. Many stood up just to shake Harry's hand. To Harry it just reminded him of the aftermath of defeating Voldemort. _Was Draco that fearsome?_

"He's not that bad." He heard himself defending his former foe. In another time he might have tried to take back his words, but he happened to glance over at Draco. The boy was smiling freely and eating his lunch with friends. There was a fist around Harry's heart that gave a squeeze at the glowing smile. He didn't take back his words. Instead he squeezed his way in between Draco and Theo Nott and put an arm around the blonde. It felt nice, and by the sudden blushing grin on Draco's face he didn't mind.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I make no money from this story.

It was inevitable that eventually Lucius Malfoy would figure out that something had happened to his heir. The morning had been good, the Slytherins and Harry had been enjoying their breakfast. Well Draco was trying to defend his plate since Harry kept trying to steal his bacon. Draco had just managed to catch Harry’s thieving hand when Lucius took the stage, striding through the Great Hall like he owned it. Draco’s hand tightened over Harry’s.

“Dumbledore, you’ve blocked my every attempt to see my son. You will produce him now.”

Dumbledore’s twinkling eyes hardened as he forced the words out “That is within your rights.”

“Draco!” Lucius said sharply

Draco let go of Harry’s hand with one last squeeze and walked to his father.

“We are going home Draco.”

Harry got the same feeling when something was terribly wrong, he glanced at Draco’s paler than normal face. That solidified the feeling. He threw any hesitation to the wind and clamored over the Slytherin table.

“No.” Harry’s eyes were challenging, Lucius struck out.

The slap echoed in the silent hall and left a red mark on Draco’s cheek.

Fury burned fiercely through Harry. His wand was out without realizing it. He disarmed and stunned the man before he could think through the red haze. Merlin knows what he would have done if Draco hadn’t grabbed his shoulder.

“That’s enough.” Draco whispered.

More than the words what stopped Harry were the fine tremors in Draco’s hand. Harry stepped back. He glanced at Draco, assessing. “You alright?”

At Draco’s nod, Harry turned to Dumbledore. “Did you already call the aurors?”

“Not yet, my boy, but I shall.” Draco smiled the twinkle back in his eyes “They will arrive here soon enough to arrest Mr. Malfoy on assault charges. He may have avoided Azkaban, but with his history and so many witnesses it is fairly safe to say he will be found guilty.”

 

...

...

 

Draco was withdrawn the rest of the day, only talking to Whiskers. Harry frowned not liking this development at all.

"Lets go flying." Harry said standing up from the Slytherin table.

Draco blinked at him "Why?"

"Because flying is fun." Harry grinned charmingly down at him, he grabbed Draco's warm hand in his and dragged the silent boy along with him to the Quidditch pitch. Well dragging Draco and Whiskers, the muffin insisted to come along (or so Draco said.)

Harry smiled when they reached the Quidditch pitch and turned back to Draco. "This is my favorite place, did you know that?" Harry asked as he summoned his broom.

Draco copied his move and tilted his head curiously despite his former silence "Why is that?"

"I always feel so alive when I fly, free like nothing bad can catch me." Harry looked over the pitch with a soft look in his avada kadavra eyes.

Draco pulled on his robe sleeve to get his attention, Harry looked sharply down at the tug. "Me too." The Slytherin said with a small smile.

"Then want to make this interesting?" Harry asked with a grin as he tried to foster a little bit of their rivalry to get some spirit back into the quiet Slytherin. He dug in his pocket for the snitch and held it out on his palm, still quiet in his hand. "First one to catch the snitch wins."

Draco smiled at him widely like a child and hopped onto his broom. For the next two hours the duo flew around the pitch half the time forgetting to look for the snitch in favor of outdoing each other in aerial stunts and races. By the time they spotted the little golden ball it was a surprise. They raced towards it, reached out, and grabbed it. At the same time. They wrestled with each other on the way down, once they set foot back on the ground the argument had already begun.

"Mine!" They said in unison.

"I got it first!" Harry said pulling it towards his chest only to have it wrenched back at Draco by the pale boy's pull.

"I won!" Draco argued

As they fought they leaned in closer and closer. Harry began to notice the smile quirking at the edges of Draco's soft lips, and Draco began to see the light in Harry's eyes. There was a silent moment, the argument dropped to the floor as if it were on fire. They stared at each other, and the move was too quick to catch. They both moved at the same time, intending, likely to crash lips together… instead they bonked heads rather harshly. They were thrown back onto the Quidditch Pitch, staring at the grey sky dazedly.

It was at this moment that Pansy and Blaise found them. They had been searching the castle not hearing exactly what Harry had said at breakfast that morning. They saw their friend sprawled on the ground and took the obvious action. They hexed Harry, because it was blatantly his fault. Whatever it was.

"Ow." Muttered Harry as he rubbed his face, already bruised and now hit with a stinging hex until it was swollen almost beyond recognition. Luckily the situation was not as deadly as the last time this had happened to him. He hoped.

He looked at Pansy and Blaise's murderous faces and changed his mind, it was _definitely_ more dangerous than Voldemort.

"We're taking him to Pomphery." Pansy informed him coldly "You're going to be the one to explain what happened to her."

Harry shudder in fear, he'd be honest, that old battle-axe scared him.

Harry walked behind the trio including the still dazed Draco. He was in so much trouble. As they entered the Hospital Wing Draco came to his senses. "It was his fault!" Draco pouted and pointed accusingly at Harry.

"Was not!" Harry pointed back at him "It was your fault."

"Gentleman." Madame Pomphery interrupted "Explain. I thought you were on better terms now."

Harry looked at his feet and muttered too quietly for anyone to hear.

"I didn't hear that Mr. Potter." Madame Pomphery said too gently, no one could be that calm dealing with teenagers without being a seething cauldron of rage on the inside.

"We bonked heads ma'am'"

"What?" Demanded Pansy and Blaise.

"We did and it was his fault!" Draco exclaimed

"Hey you were moving towards me too!" Harry said.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Pomphery bellowed, see seething-cauldron of rage. Both boys snapped to attention and spoke at the same time.

"Tried to kiss him. Ma'am" They saluted for good measure.

The other three occupants of the room stared at the saluting boys. Draco the Ice Prince of Slytherin and Harry Bloody Potter, mortal enemies from the start…. Just bonk heads like second years when trying to kiss each other?

Madame Pomphery was not pleased as she fixed the boys up. Pasny and Blaise were silent, eerily so.

As soon as both were fixed they turned to Draco. "Honey, why don't you go play with Theo?"

Draco grinned and ran off to torment the Slytherin without a second thought.

Harry stared at the two as they turned on him. "Well now you're interested in our little Draco." Pansy said with a little smile "I assume that means you'll take good care of him."

Blaise meanwhile was admiring his wand. It was as threatening as a father cleaning his gun when a boy comes to the house to take his daughter to a dance. "I like you Potter, but don't ever forget I'll end you if you hurt him."

"Blaise dear, let me handle this." Pansy smiled, "Now I assume you know about safe sex…"

She trailed off at Harry's horrified look.

An hour later Harry stumbled out of the room, pale and shaking. He had just been under interrogation from Blaise, apparently the young male would do unthinkable things to his precious dangly bits if he made one wrong move. He also had The Talk from Pansy. With graphs! Where did she get the graphs? _Why_ did she carry them around?

Harry was wistful for the days when Voldemort was after him, he was convinced they were less scarring. He walked blindly to the Slytherin Commonroom, then he smiled as he walked in. There was Draco grinning and bouncing around the room with his next Brilliant Idea. Voldemort may have been less scarring, but this was more fun. He walked up to the wildly gesticulating boy and was immediately hugged by Draco and got him involved in his plot. Harry couldn't stop smiling. It was so worth it.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I am not making any money from this story.  
> Originally posted to Fanfiction.net under the same penname and title.  
> Editing, and posting here ending 4/15/14
> 
> AN: Finally an ending! My apologies to those that are still interested in this story! My pain condition flared in my hand making living difficult (not to speak of inspiration and typing D:). It's a short chapter but well... it's what I've got.

****

It was lunch of the seventh day of the Week of the Ferret that changed Hogwarts when Malfoy came back. He was leaning happily against Harry as Whiskers danced on his shoulder. Harry was distracting Draco was a shiny object that he kept batting at lazily.

Draco blinked, Malfoy blinked again. "Wha-?" He looked at his pillow and discovered a happily smiling Potter. Malfoy sprang up eyes wide looking around his table to find no one disturbed by this development. His eyes landed on Whiskers

"Someone please tell me I'm dead!" Malfoy demanded his cheeks white.

"YOU'RE NOT DEAD!" The hall thundered in an exasperated response.

Malfoy put his head in his hands muttering "But father, wait he's in prison, but really? Muffins – Conga. Potter. Hallucination Harry, bloody hell."

Harry had been staring at him with concern but began to laugh, he put an arm around the blond. "Relax Malfoy, it's alright."

Malfoy jerked away his eyes wide. His world had been turned upside down. Where was the hatred? He looked around at smiling faces, even the Hufflepuffs dared smile at him. He felt claustrophobic. Harry frowned until understanding dawned.

"Lets go for a walk." Harry said getting up and absently offering a hand to Malfoy, as he was wont to do in the past week.

It surprised him when the hand was taken, but to Malfoy it looked like an island in a see of madness. They walked silently until they were at the shore of the Lake. They sat down under a shady tree that had once seen two other enemies many years before. Hopefully they would avoid the same fate as James and Severus.

Harry leaned back on his hands and looked at the view, it was peaceful. It made him smile.

"Explain." Malfoy demanded

"Well the entire school was introduced to Draco, he's become quite popular among the students."

“…How?” Draco focused piercingly on Harry

“You underestimate yourself.” Harry said absently looking up at the canopy of leaves gathering his thoughts, “You’re a likable guy when you let down some of those walls… and stop hexing people at every turn.”

Malfoy snorted lightly but looked thoughtful “I can’t… be the person I’ve been this last week all the time.”

“Thank Merlin.” Harry grumbled, “Don’t get me wrong, it was fun, but I couldn’t keep up with you. I feel like I could use a year’s sleep.”

That got Draco to laugh outright, and Harry was pleased to note it lit up his face like it had recently. “But Potter, I can’t be who I used to be either.” He ran a hand through his hair “Where does that leave me?”

“Dunno. If it were me, I’d take it day by day. And you can call me Harry you know.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Draco muttered before bolting upright “Why should I call you Harry?”

 “Think back.” Harry said looking amused if not a little anxious.

Draco’s eyes went wide when he remember the botched kiss, remembered the comfortable feeling of being close to Harry, remembered how Harry stood up for him. The noise he produced could only be called a squeak but he gave Harry a sharp look “Just because you-“

“Care about you?” Harry interrupted with a nervous smile

That made Draco pause “Do you?”

“Yes.” Harry managed to choke out through the feeling he was about to get his heart broken.

Draco couldn’t look at him, instead he focused on pulling up bits of grass “I do too.”

There was a long pause where they both tried to accept how much things had changed. The wind ruffled the grass and they both breathed it in letting it calm them down.

“Uncharted waters eh?” Harry asked with a wry turn of the lips

“Yes… but… as crazy as it is…” Draco’s voice trailed off before he gathered the courage to say, “I’m a possessive bastard.”

Harry nodded looking a little confused “As am I?”

Draco grabbed the frayed remains of his former attitude “So I’m asking you to be my boyfriend, idiot.”

Harry grinned widely his shining eyes distracting from his flushed cheeks. “I’d like that.” He held out a hand, Draco grasped instantly. Draco’s other hand reached out to trace Harry’s jaw line.

 

They both leaned forwards, and this time they did not bonk heads as they kissed.

 

…

…

 

Arriving back in the Great Hall windblown, blushing, and laughing they heard the sudden cheers coming from the students. The Slytherin table erupted into wolf whistles shouts of congratulations, and swearing. Blaise in particular seemed pleased. Perhaps it was the many purses being passed to him.

 

“Finally.” Blaise grinned at them cheekily as he counted the money being handed to him. He nodded to Harry and Draco’s linked hands “Glad you made it official.” 

“You bet on us?” Harry growled not letting go of Draco's hand.

“Yup, made a tidy profit too.” Blaise said unrepentantly

A week ago Harry had repeatedly hit his head against the table in response to a situation like this. A week ago he was a different person. Now Harry laughed freely and plopped down on the bench next to Blaise. “If you made a tidy profit then you can afford to cut us in.” Harry grinned not even realizing he had already gotten used to the word ‘us’.

“And why should I?” Blaise challenged lightly

Draco sat down next to Harry. “Because I am not above dressing you in drag and gluing you to the castle wall.”

“Ah…” Blaise said nervously “Ten percent you said?”

Draco turned to Harry with a mock serious expression, “What do you think of bright pink lipstick for him?”

“As long as it is paired with a equally nauseating tutu…?” Harry grinned back.

“Half!” Blaize choked out “I meant half!”

“That’s more like it.” Draco Malfoy said “I think I’m going to like being dead.”

“YOU’RE NOT DEAD!” 


End file.
